Kids with a parent who works as a consultant grow up with strange perspectives. Monopoly games come with Net Present Value analysis on potential hotel acquisitions; science fair projects with kick-ass hypotheses and massive amounts of data to back them up. But also, mom or dad consultant is away a lot, visiting faraway clients, missing key moments. Too many conversations by phone or video call. Father’s day seems like a good time to reflect upon that.
Big difference
My father worked as an engineer for a company that produces chocolate. Talk about benefits! He was with this firm for as long as I remember. It was part of his extended community and continues to be even after he retired (he now runs a company museum with his former work buddies). Every day at 5 pm, he switched from work-mode to father mode. The transition was defined and predictable. But so were influences and exposure.
Things look very different now, being a father myself, but working as a management consultant in the tech space. The lines between work and family time are a lot blurrier. Strategy work is cool, but I’m not sure if it’s chocolate-making cool to my kids… Maybe that’s where the expression “culture eats chocolate for breakfast” comes from? On the other hand, the work is interesting and varied, with clients/brands that my kids even care about. Of course, those clients aren’t all next door. I often hear “dad, why doesn’t the client come to you?” Well, it turns out that there are a lot more of them then there are of me and my core teams. How to make the best of it?
Soft skill factory
It seems to me that parent/consultants can contribute to kids that we may not always consider. By trade, we hone soft skills that are useful as a parent too. How about:
- Solving problems. In my mind, consulting is solving problems for a living. Hopefully, we’re good at seeing the bigger picture, recognizing patterns, getting creative and tapping into other’s knowledge and best practices. What better skill to teach our kids?
- Listening. It’s not all about solving problems, it’s also about empathy and holding space for people to understand their challenges and situations. Real-life Design Thinking. Not to forget playing group therapist in client workshop settings.
- Coaching. It’s one thing to listen and envision solutions, it’s another to make it happen. The subtle art of shaping the conditions and enrolling people in the possible, with a bias toward action. Do you want to talk about it or do you want to do it?
- Storytelling. Stories are a powerful communication tool. Consultants gain much exposure outside their bubble. It helps us to relate and put things in a broader context, and tell stories. My kids live in the unreal bubble that is West Los Angeles… a little perspective is much needed.
If we do it right, we may end up in the sweet spot of the Goldilocks syndrome. Not too much, not too little, juuust right.
The other side of the coin
There is no doubt that work travel takes its toll. I have missed many events that I wanted to be present for. Scrapes. Tears. Arts projects. Awards. Proud sports events. Disappointments. Impromptu sleepovers. I can plan around some things, but not all things. Balance is a constant battle.
Principles
When I work on strategy projects, I like to workshop some guiding principles with clients that set the guardrails. Not every future decision is a brand new decision, just a choice in a framework of larger principles. For example, if a client wants to be more innovative, I might craft a principle to favor “fail-fast” prototyping over investing in a Big Hairy Design Up-Front. You take opposite extremes and define principles around where you stand. When a decision comes up, you simply apply the principle.
Why not do something similar with my kids? These are my parent/consultant principles:
- Quality Time over Quantity (make it count)
- Engagement over Distraction (being fully present)
- Experiences over Materialism (it’s not about more stuff)
- Coaching over Doing (I’ll help with homework but won’t do your homework)
- Learning over Protecting (creating space to fail and learn)
- Creating over Consuming (it’s how we grow)
My Father’s Day wish and my hope is that these principles, these commitments, offset the downside of being on the road as much as I am.
Well, that was a different post…
Thanks for indulging me in this different kind of post. If you are a parent figure to someone in your life, I hope this is a useful perspective. And if you are lucky to have your father in your life, then I hope you reach out to him this Father’s day. I know I will.
